HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
