My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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