all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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