Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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