Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
