Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
