Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My liver just broke up with me...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
