Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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