I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
