My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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