I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
