Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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