Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
