My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
