Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
