you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
