It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
