i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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