Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
