My first STD was from a foam party
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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