Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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