I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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