I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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