All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
