woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
