just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
