Having a random hookup so left but love u
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
