apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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