So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
