He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
