Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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