You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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