Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So much rum. So many feels.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
