Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
