just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
