Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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