My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
