She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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