The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
