I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He had one of those small greek statue penises
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
