Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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