why didn't you poke me back
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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