I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
