I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
