All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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