HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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