you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
