Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
