1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
