Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
