you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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