...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
