I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
