How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
