she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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